Monday, December 7, 2009

The Discovery of a New Kind of Radiation

Many years ago when the world was young I recall coming home from school to find the following scene. My mother was sitting in an easy chair in a sunny spot in the dining room. Surrounding her, on the floor, were a golden retriever, a dalmatian, and two cats, all curled up like doughnuts, all sound asleep. As was my mother. Stirred into wakefulness by my arrival, my mother said - "I just sat down for a minute - to rest my eyes - and then -"

That's when we discovered Z -rays (or, more technically, Zzzzz-rays), emitted by any sleeping animal, and which can be transmitted to any sufficiently susceptible creature that happens to step into the Z-field (there's a wave-particle duality in operation, as you see). I suspect that the intensity of the Z-field varies by the inverse square law. However, several Z-emitters placed close together seem to exert a synergistic effect such that the strength of the combined Z-field is far more intense than one would expect were each Z-emitter encountered on its own. When my mother stepped into the midst of four very strong Z-emitters - well, basically, she hadn't a hope.

It happened to me, today. The alarm went off at 6.15 whereupon I went back to sleep. I was woken again at 6.45, this time more forcefully, by Crox Minor. I stumbled blearily out of bed, dressed, ironed a school shirt, made school lunchboxes, fed animals and children, saw the latter off to school, and arrived home at 9 o'clock to see a scene rather like this.

Strongly synergistic Z-emitters. Recently.

I sat down, thinking I could shut my eyes, just for a minute, before I made a coffee and logged on to work at 9.30.

Forty winks later, I noticed that it was 10.45...


  1. My postdoctoral mentor swore it was a type of benign tumor, and called it a "napoma". I just slept off a small napoma late this afternoon.

  2. I suspect there is a wave-particle duality to your Z-waves: in our house the sleeping cats emitted Relaxons, with much the same effects.

  3. Relaxons. I think relaxons are very closely related to Z radiation. The reason that they have never been discovered in particle accelerators is that they are supermassive, with very high energies. Theory suggests that relaxons have a short half-life and decay into schleptons and a pulse of Z-rays.

  4. Are there opposite particles to relaxons, as determined by super symmetry? Particles that cause the unwitting target to Get Up and Do Things?

  5. If there were, they'd be called antirelaxons. But particles that allow you to shut your eyes, just for a moment, are called relaxinos.