Monday, April 27, 2009

Onward [Insert Faith of Choice] Soldiers

My colleague Noah Gray told me of this great site called Google Fight in which you can pitch two adversaries against each other to see who has the most hits. Of some of the fights described as classics, the current results are
God 57,900,000 vs Satan 5,040,000
George W. Bush 19,500,000 vs Osama Bin Laden 410,000

Googlefight 50,000 vs Googlewhack 13,000

Among 'fights of the month' you can find
sex 704,000,000 vs money 124,000,000

You can of course make your own fights, such as
God 57,900,000 vs Dawkins 1,250,000


Gee 5,810,000 vs Dawkins 1,250,000

and even
Henry Gee 11,000 vs Richard P Grant 1,040

all of which results show that the program is working as it should, at least. This morning I read in Metro of a game called Faith Fighter which has achieved the impossible - it has brought all the world's faiths together.
Faith Fighter is the ultimate fighting game for these dark times

reads the blurb.
Choose your belief and kick the shit out of your enemies. Give vent to your intolerance! Religious hate has never been so much fun.

The somewhat disingenuous disclaimer reads that the game isn't meant to be offensive to any religion in particular. It contains two depictions of Muhammad, one in which his face is blocked out, to cover Islamic sensibilities about showing the Prophet's face. I tried it and found that God made short work of Ganesh, but Ninja-style Muhammad soon k.o.'d God ... who was dispatched rather quickly by Buddha. I tried it - it's lots of fun and quite a stress-reliever. I can't find an iPhone app of it (yet).

Condemnation from representatives of the world's religions has been quick and predictable. Naturally, I'd like to weigh in with my own two penn'orth.

First, I am tired of people becoming offended by things. As I heard a comedian comment on the radio the other day (apologies - I can't remember where), the state of not being offended by anything has assumed the status, almost, of an enshrined human right.

Second, if you, as a person of faith, are offended by a rather silly computer game, then your faith is too fragile to be worth anything.

Third, I am - I admit - not offended, exactly, but mildly irked - that you couldn't have Jacob wrestling with an angel, a conflict that transcends the minds of gamers, and is actually scripted, in Genesis 32. Bloody internet. Anti-Semitic, I call it. Should be banned. Obviously.


  1. Brian Clegg - 13,400, Henry Gee - 11,000. Sorry Henry [click] but you lose. (However there are clearly a lot more 'henry' and 'gee's as you win without [click] the inverted commas.)

  2. So does this mean your atheism has crumbled? :-)


  3. Certainly not! I'm not just any old atheist, I'm a Jewish atheist.

  4. Ignore Brian. He's just erecting a straw man.

  5. Thanks, Bob. But I don't think it is Brian which is called Brian. I think it is an invasion of scarecrows from outer space making noises that resemble pigs sneezing in Spanish.

  6. I've been hiding for years now behind the enormous bazooms of Amy Charles of Colpo Grosso, an Italian soft-porn show of the 80s. So to see what kind of a screen she puts up, I googlefought her like this:

    "Amy Charles" iowa (201 results) v. "Amy Charles" Colpo (1790 results). Good so far. But! Then I fought myself and won:

    "Amy Charles" iowa (201 results) v. "Amy Charles" nature (505 results).

    So this is pretty good -- you can see what associations are winning for you online.

  7. I propose a Terrace of Purgoogletory, to help those addicted to search engines purge themselves of their cybersins:

    Terrace 1: Googlepride - For those who indulge in various forms of self-googling.

    Terrace 2: Google-envy - For those who covet their cyberneighbor's googlehits.

    Terrace 3: Googlewrath - For those who become angry over the results of their googlehabits.

    Terrace 4: Googlesloth - For those too lazy to read about or research anything in detail.

    Terrace 5: Google-avarice - For those addicted to Google Shopping and Google Finance.

    Terrace 6: Googlegluttony - For those who use Google to search for recipes and online sources of food.

    Terrace 7: Googlelust - For those who use Google to find sexual partners or pornography.